It's About Your Boobs

Artistic opening shot: Ari's butt, full screen.

Johnny (on phone): "Chanel and I would like to speak to you right away." Holly: "Is this about my paper?" No, it's about your boobs. #DAYS

Johnny: "I did everything by the book." Mein Kampf? #DAYS

ArI: "How do you like being back home." Theo: "Meh..." I think Ari is way more enthusiastic about him being in Salem than Theo is." #DAYS

A Grand Slam

Next on #DOOL — Thomas: "What were you doing all that time at Cat's place." Chad: "It's time to let you know we have feelings for each other." Thomas: "What does that mean?" Chad: "You're too young to know." #DAYS

Jennifer: "Jeremy has come back to Salem." How could Salem be so lucky?

Next on #DOOL — Thomas: "How could you think Cat was Mom?" Chad: "I'm a total idiot." #DAYS

Steve: "He was kind, generous and wise." And also the patriarch of one of the nuttiest bunch that ever came along. #DAYS

Jeremy: "The flowers I brought were just meant to be a peace offering." Peace or Piece? #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Jennifer: "I don't know how Chad can stand being around Cat." Steve: "Have you seen her ass?" #DAYS

Jennifer, do the letters "NOYB" mean anything to you? How About "STFU?" #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Cat: "During the blackout Chad spent the night at my apartment." Felicity: "Did you make out?" Cat: "Yes." Felicity: "Did he get to second base?" Cat: "It was more like a grand slam." #DAYS

Graphic Prurient Erotica

Fact: If two people's DNA doesn't match in a test at Salem Hospital that proves they are related. #DAYS

Poor Johnny. That picture of Holly's boobs doesn't show enough to get him in this much trouble. #DAYS

Chad: "Holly is sexting me." Brady: "Do you think they're real?" I saw them. There is no doubt they are real. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Cat: "That was the first time I've had sex since my car accident." Chad: "When was your accident?" Cat: "This morning." #DAYS

Stephanie: "If people knew I was Anastasia, it could wreck my PR business." Yeah, but as much as people eat up graphic prurient erotica, it might also HELP your PR business. #DAYS

Can Paulina give anyone a civil answer? #DAYS

Julie: "I'm part of a wonderful family." That's the same thing Charles Manson's followers said. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Gwen: "Is Chad a frequent house guest of yours?" Cat: "Why do you want to know that? Gwen: "Do you really have to ask?" #DAYS

Mr. Vibrator

Scenes we'd like to see: JJ reports to Jada that the looting in under control so he grabs a TV set from a store and heads for home. #DAYS

Chad and Cat finally did the deed. Xander and Sarah finally rekindle their carnal festivities. EJ and Belle bicker in the elevator. Two out of three ain't bad. #DAYS

Cat to Chad: "This is the first time I've been with someone since my car accident. Well, except for Mr. Vibrator, that is." #DAYS

The social worker needs to learn some social skills and show up on time. #DAYS

Brady pounds on Holly's door: "HOLLY! Have you been smoking?" #DAYS

EJ accuses Stephanie of writing titillating erotic imagery. For the sake of propriety, henceforth I will refer to this as TEI. #DAYS

Chanel looks a the picture on Johnny's phone, "What is this?" I could be mistaken but it looks like boobs to me. #DAYS

Kayla tells Brady there is no DNA match and Tate is not his father. It looks like yet another case of the DNA Salem Switcheroo. #DAYS

Grab My Ass And Hang On

Next on #DOOL — Xander: "Any regrets that we had sex?" Sarah: "No. Do you have any regrets about it?" Xander: "Just that it's over." Sarah: "We can take care of that. Just grab my ass and hang on for another ride." #DAYS

The kids: "We're bored. What can we do?" Julie: "The house needs cleaning." #DAYS

Gwen asks if anyone is on the outside of the door. If it's electronically locked no one would be able to open it from outside either. #DAYS

Scenes we'd like to see. When EJ and Belle finally get rescued after being trapped in the elevator together, Belle immediately heads for a drugstore to buy the "morning-after" pill. #DAYS

Cat and Chad slobber all over each other. Cat: "Are you sure you're ready for this?" It sure beats licorice and peanut butter. #DAYS

500 Shades of Gray

Next on #DOOL — Sarah: "What is your objection to couples' therapy?" Xander: "Couples' therapy is the place where men go to learn to shut up if they ever want to get laid again." #DAYS

Gabi: "bb and I wouldn't be at the hospital but the parking gate won't open." Professional parking gates all have manual backups. And they just made a big point that the hospital has generators. #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Sarah: "While we're trapped here during the blackout there is something we could do to pass the time." Xander: "OK. I'll get undressed." #DAYS

Whatever Sarah says, Xander, agree with it. You might be on the verge of getting laid. #DAYS

Xander fixes s'mores for the night he's sharing with Sarah alone in the dark to make it plain that even though he's had Sarah, he wants s'more. #DAYS

Bonnie can't wait for Anastasia's new book. If it's any steamier, she'll have to call it "500 Shades of Gray." #DAYS

Suddenly Sarah and Xander a roll in the hay is a lot less expensive and more effective than couples counseling. #DAYS

A Hint of Jealousy

Scenes we'd like to see: Xander finishes reading Rachel's book and starts reading "One Stormy Night" to her. #DAYS

I'm surprised Cat was able to invite Chad inside since her boobs were taking up all the space in the room. #DAYS

Ari to Holly: "Screw Tate." Do I need to point out that ship has already sailed? #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Chad: "I heard you had dinner with EJ." Cat: "Do I detect a hint of disapproval?" Chad: "No. You detect a hint of jealousy." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — "You're staring at my boobs while you're talking to me. My eyes are up here." Chad: "I know. But your boobs are down there." #DAYS

Next on #DOOL — Sarah: "What are your objections to couples' therapy?" Xander: "All men know couple's therapy is the place where a husband learns to listen to what his wife has to say while he's being horsewhipped." #DAYS

Advice to Holly regarding her data loss: Save early, save often. Better yet, save your work to the cloud. #DAYS

EJ and Belle are trapped in the elevator. This could be disastrous. What if they both have to go to the bathroom. On the other hand Chad and Cat are trapped in the dark. How convenient. #DAYS